Do you happen to know how many unread e-mails you have in your inbox? How about on your phone? Do you have unread text messages? Have you listened to all the messages in your voicemail? Guess what. Those messages, spams, and even the scams continue in perpetuity after you die. So much for unsubscribing. Oh, by the way, you’ll continue to get snail mail as well. I imagine that will take years to trickle off, i.e., his name will be on envelopes arriving in the mailbox for some time.
This begs the question: What do you do with your loved one’s digital presence when they die? Do you have a list of their passwords to all the things? Do you have access to their clouds? What about the multi-factor authentication-related information? Do you know all the pathways that connect their various subscriptions, streaming services, magazines, memberships, charitable giving, etc., and their payments? Do you even read their e-mails? Listen to their voicemails? Answer their phone? If I had a nickel for every question I’ve pondered in the last 11 weeks, I’d have a few bucks by now.
Well, I can tell you how this widow has been navigating the online and cellular spaces. I mostly let it be. I did silence his phone so I would stop being triggered by the notification sound. I know, I could easily change it, but silencing it feels more fun right now. Now about those e-mails… I choose what gets answered and what remains unanswered. I glance at the e-mails and see if anything looks important. He continues to receive actuarial ratemaking committee meeting invitations and information to review. I did respond to one of those, notifying them of his death. He had also loaned a book to a physical therapist at the hospital who was looking to return it. I responded to let him know to pass the book on to someone else. Some musical groups he formerly participated in were also unaware of his passing. I let them know, too. I didn’t realize how deeply connected he was across many realms.
I believe I have just about untangled all the subscription pathways and such. Fingers crossed. I got to make a spreadsheet in the process, so there’s that. I still love a good spreadsheet. I cancelled a few things, updated contact information to my name on the things I’m keeping, and now know when these things come up for renewal.
We humans continually look for answers when a great deal will be left unanswered: my questions, those e-mails, voicemails, phone calls. That’s okay. We don’t need to have all the answers (note to self: paste that on your forehead). God knows what’s up.
Tonight, I met a dear friend for dinner. Excellent food and great conversation fueled my stomach and spirit. I arrived home to a lovely floral arrangement sent by dear friends to remind me that I am not forgotten. I continue to receive cards as well. I appreciate all of your expressions of sympathy, support, and love. May God bless you as you have been a blessing to me.