As a pastor and person who prefers to plan, I am often thinking and working ahead on the next season of the church year, holiday, etc. This trait came in handy when Dennis fell ill and died. I had three months of worship services planned (aside from sermons, I’m not that person).
While grief is teaching me to be more mindful of living in the moment, old habits are hard to break. Over the past few weeks, I’ve been planning Thanksgiving Eve, Advent, and other stuff leading up to but not including Christmas. Typically this would be an exciting and joyful task for me as I’d often create a new sermon series or at least latch onto an obvious overarching theme. Not so much this year.
While my grief work reminds me to anticipate these “first” holidays with realistic expectations of their upcoming blessings and challenges, that takes emotional fortitude. When your storehouse is stuffed with grief, even the smallest things can feel like a chore, including the things you’ve done on repeat, like planning church stuff: This is your gift, woman. It’s well within your wheelhouse. You can do this. The energy the endless pep talks take, all while fending off some other noise and nonsense. Phew. By the grace of God, I’m doing this.
If you are living through a grief season and facing the “first” holidays this year, I am with you in solidarity. I am here for conversation and commiseration. We will get through this. God will show up as God always does, exactly when and where needed.
If you are accompanying someone who is experiencing grief, here are some tips for their care and feeding this holiday season: Be gentle. Continue to show up for them. Send a text or a card. Talk about their deceased loved one by name. Don’t expect them to be either super gloomy or super celebratory. Whatever they are feeling is valid. Invite them to things but don’t freak out if they cancel because they just can’t. Understand that grief comes at unusual and unexpected times and ways.
I am so grateful for you all, especially your prayers, presence, and patience during this season of my life. God is good, from strength to strength. Blessings.