I just finished Alan Wolfelt’s book “Understanding Your Grief: Ten Essential Touchstones for Finding Hope and Healing Your Heart,” and found this excerpt to be spot on:
“You can take all the people in your life and divide them into thirds when it comes to grief support…. One third of the people in your life will turn out to be truly empathetic helpers. They will have a desire to understand you and your unique thoughts and feelings about the death. They will demonstrate a willingness to be taught by you and a recognition that you are the expert of your experience, not them. They will be willing to be involved in your pain and suffering without feeling the need to take it away from you. They will believe in your capacity to heal….. Another third of the people in your life will turn out to be neutral in response to your grief. They will neither help nor hinder you in your journey. And the final third of people in your life will turn out to be harmful to you in your efforts to mourn and heal. While they are usually not setting out intentionally to harm you, they will judge you, they will try to take your grief away from you, and they will pull you off the path to healing.”
I’ve experienced all of these responses this year, maybe not in thirds, because I have many friends in caring professions who ooze empathy. How blessed am I?! When you are in the thick of it, your people will reveal themselves. You will know who you can rely on, and it may just surprise you. Remember, grief makes folks feel uncomfortable, so responses to your grief will vary. I’ll say this 1,000 times over: It’s not you! Be true to yourself and your grief journey. It’s your path to own and to walk. However long it takes. We can do this.
Thank you to everyone walking alongside me. Love and appreciate you all.